A new year, a new blog post? I again fell off from blogging after telling myself I would blog more one year ago. And then COVID happened. And then I went off and had a baby. But it is another year and the mommying hasn’t stopped, and for sure the electronics haven’t either.
Allowing my kids to use electronics has always been met with guilt by me. As a pediatrician, I rotely advise patients to limit their electronics to less than one to two hours daily (even saying it here I feel like I sound like a broken record). I target this mostly at the children themselves rather than the parents, hoping that if I tell kids one to two hours, then they at least think they should be on electronics for less time than they already are and meanwhile eyeing their parents sympathetically. As we got into the pandemic last year (last year now? So weird to say), I found myself easing the rules more and more with my children as we went more stir crazy at home. And let’s face it, I myself was on my phone more too, looking for an escape from the worries of the pandemic and uncertainty of the world.
Of course, I felt like a hypocrite every time I allowed the girls to watch tv. But school moved to distance learning and for less hours of the day, and the girls constantly nagged me and each other, and I had work and chores I myself needed to do. The pandemic brought on new rules for me, and I had to constantly remind myself to be easier on myself because of these unprecedented times. I wanted to shout out to the nonexistent eyes on our household that this is not what I typically allow my girls to do. I wanted to explain to the non-caring nonexistent onlookers that normally, the girls are not allowed to use electronics during the school week, only on the weekends. I felt guilt and stress over the girls using electronics daily, and I realized that a big reason for that guilt and stress was not over the actual electronic use, but because I was (yet again) worried about what onlookers might think. Especially because I was a pediatrician. What kind of pediatrician am I? Letting my children watch tv?!
A year or two ago (I feel like I must emphasize – this was pre-pandemic), we were traveling as a family and had a long layover at an airport. I was exhausted from traveling, and the girls were exhausted too, but that manifested as increased energy in them. My husband kindly convinced me to take a break, to take a walk by myself to regroup. I hesitantly accepted his offer and took a walk. I returned to him and the girls to find them watching a show on his iPad, and he was scrolling through his phone. I was appalled. How could he just let them sit and watch something on his iPad when I always worked so painstakingly to entertain them in other ways??? I felt like he took the easy way out. I became upset and any calmness I had found during my walk alone was now gone. I looked around and felt like I wanted to explain to all the other airport goers, this is not what my children do. I am a pediatrician for goodness sake! I do not let my children just sit and watch an iPad all the time; I know better than that!
It took me some time to reflect on the true reason why I became so upset that day. I realized I was not really upset at my husband (well, not as upset at him), but really I was worried about what others might think. We hear all the time about limiting electronics in children, and I assume that everyone else will judge my parenting while they passed by and saw my girls on an iPad. That’s right, perfect strangers hurrying off to their flights, with their own worries, would take time and energy to worry about my children. Pretty silly of me to think, now looking back.
I believe now, during the pandemic especially, we as parents need to keep our own sanity to allow us to be better parents. If that means a little extra electronics time, then so be it. And I can still have rules around the girls’ electronics use to maintain control. We are back to no electronics usage during the school week, and they must earn their electronics time on the weekend, but TV is kind of free reign on the weekends, though periodically I tell the girls to turn the TV off to remind them to play with their toys (especially since the toy seems to have multiplied after Christmas). I also try to ask the girls about what they watched, about the characters and the plot to make them more thoughtful about what they are watching. And for my older daughter, for the time she watches tv, I then have her read a book – to herself and/or to her sister. I think that setting some boundaries on electronics helps for me as a parent to maintain control and to feel better about how they use their time. Your boundaries may be no electronics before 8 am and after 8 pm or no electronics whatsoever, to which I say, more power to you. Whatever it is, make it yours and let it fit into your lifestyle – and what will keep you sane. I assure you, when I am in pediatrician mode talking to you about electronics to you and your child, I am not judging you, because I know how it feels. I am simply trying to provide some guidance and allow you to set your own family rules. And that way, we can all stay sane. Cheers to 2021. And here’s hoping it’s not another year before my next post.
Medical Mommy Musings:
- Yes, the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends limiting screen time to less than one to two hours a day. As a parent, especially now during the pandemic, my version of the limitations is to create some kind of boundaries or rules that work for our household. If everyone needs a mental break and that may mean screen time for the kids, maybe create the rule that toys need to be picked up before or after screen time. Or read a book for each program they watch. Or perhaps create the boundary of what your child is allowed to watch. Even the smallest limitation or rule will let your child know that you are still in control and that screen time is still a privilege.
- Forget the judgement of others. Or, realize that others are not judging you. In that airport, I was more worried about what strangers thought about my children’s screen time use that I couldn’t relax and see that no one around even cared what I was doing. Not worrying about what others might think allows me to be more present for my children.
- And for that matter, going into 2021, let’s try not to judge each other’s parenting. We are all trying our best and doing what we can for our children. We should be lifting each other up and supporting each others’ trials in parenthood. It is hard, every child is different, and what works for one family may not work for another. That’s what makes our families unique and special.
