After I wrote about breastfeeding last month, I realized I need to talk about pumping, especially as a working mother. Similar to when I first started breastfeeding, it was hard for me to grasp what pumping would feel like or how it would work before actually doing it. During my pregnancy, I made sure to research breast pumps, and I talked to my insurance about what was covered and where I could get one. Being my Type A self, I made a whole spreadsheet about breast pumps. If I couldn’t prepare myself for what it would feel like to pump, at least I could prepare myself for what pumps were out there!
After I had M, I pumped after each time I breastfed her, and I would get a little milk each time, which I slowly saved over time. In my own head, I thought if I pumped between her feedings, that it would take away from milk that she would get at her nursing sessions. And I had to work hard for that milk. If I was distracted or stressed, I could visibly see in the bottles how much less milk I was making, which discouraged me at times.
I talked to my mom friends about pumping, and I would listen with jealousy about how they were able to pump out tons of milk and had so much stored. Meanwhile, I was pumping several times a day and had to add milk from several pumping sessions together to make up one bottle. When I started introducing the bottle to M, I would pump instead of nursing her, and I still got what seemed like much less than my friends would get. But I realized I had to keep in mind that M was growing, so while the volume didn’t seem like it was as much as my what my friends made, it was enough for M, and that was what counted.
When I returned to work, I pumped three times a day there, mimicking M’s feeding schedule at home. I always felt guilty towards my colleagues, as I was running off between patients to pump, but it was completely unwarranted. Everyone at work was actually very supportive, often reminding me to stop what I was doing and go to pump. That made me feel better as I sat in a room, attached to my pump, and the machine making its monotonous whoosh for 10 minutes at a time.
Every drop of milk was precious for M – “liquid gold” like they say. I could tell when I was stressed, because my supply was clearly affected. I would try to clear my mind when I pumped to help the supply. And I felt like I was pumping only exactly enough milk to give to M in her bottles, and not much left to be stored. One time, one of the bags of frozen milk had cracked, and when I left it to thaw in the fridge overnight, I opened the fridge and milk was everywhere. I literally cried over spilled milk that day. I felt like I had worked so hard for this milk for M, and now I had to throw it out.
When I had E, I was more at ease about breastfeeding in general, and I realized how dynamic milk production could be. I pumped between feeding sessions, made more milk, and E still fed an hour later and was satisfied. I began to store up milk, and had an entire deep freezer full vs. the compact freezer full I had for M.
We also traveled without E a few times in her first year, and I mustered up the courage to pump in places other than my home or the private room I had available at work. The first time I had to pump in an airport, I was nervous. Fortunately, it was a nighttime flight, so the airport itself was a little quieter. I found an empty area facing outwards towards a window and an outlet, threw on a breastfeeding cover, and I pumped. Even though I was nervous doing it for the first time, I pretended like I had done this a million times before. After successfully pumping in a much more public setting, I felt more at ease.
When we arrived at our destination, I was incredibly excited to discover a Mamava for the first time! Here was this pod designed for breastfeeding mothers — it had an outlet, seats, a small table and a lock on the door. I had never been so excited to pump. I used that pod throughout the entire weekend. Once, though, I couldn’t make it to the Mamava, so I pumped at a small table at a lodge, shielded by my pump bag and my breastfeeding cover, and a mother with two small children walked by and said to me, “You go mama!” Here I was, trying to avoid eye contact with passersby, and this mom gave me the confidence to pump wherever I needed to!
After pumping in the airport, and bolstered by that mother’s exclamation, I felt much better about pumping, because in the end, I was doing this for my daughter. We took a couple more trips, and I pumped in the airport again and in my seat on the plane. I found nursing rooms where I could privately pump. I asked people at conferences for private rooms to pump, and everyone was accommodating. I had learned to Google where to pump in airports, and I realized there were often private rooms for nursing mothers.
Towards the end of my pumping journey, in one of the last months of pumping, I was out and had no options of where to pump because we were in a crowded cafeteria. Up until this point, I had been able to avoid pumping in the bathroom. I slowly dragged myself, breast pump in tow, to the women’s bathroom. Inside, there were no seats and the only outlet I could find was high above the sink. I wiped off an empty counter off and hopped up, reached for the outlet…and an employee stopped me. She told me she could take me to an empty conference room to pump, where it was private and clean. I was so thankful for her offer!
I was incredibly lucky to have so much support around me for pumping. Everyone at work making sure I had time to pump, my husband pausing during our travel to allow me to pump, and perfect strangers who understood and who encouraged me and offered private settings to pump. I felt self-conscious having to pump whenever I was out, but I kept reminding myself that in the end, I was providing breastmilk for my daughter, and I was happy that everyone around me understood that too.
So, the next time you’re out, just finished breastfeeding your baby and suddenly your toddler is running, and you chase after her, maternity top still down (yes, this happened to me), tell yourself, “you go mama!” We’ve got this!
